Listen to this episode at theallusionist.org/gay-animals

This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, say a load of words which aren’t really about anything so that your brain gets a little gentle diversion from thinking and/or feeling. This is not a regular episode of the Allusionist where you’re supposed to think and/or feel things. The Tranquillusionist is meant to be a bit dull, and maybe it’ll help you get to sleep or at least turn your existential screaming down to 11.

Today I shall be reading a list of gay animals, that is animals that have been observed and documented doing romantic and sexual things with animals of the same sex. These are just the ones that have been recorded, which often did not happen because editorialising.

I wish a celebratory and safe Pride to all us queer animals.

On with the Tranquillusionist.

Acorn woodpecker

Adelie penguin

African buffalo

African elephant

Agile wallaby

Alfalfa weevil

Amazon molly

Amazon river dolphin

American bison

American flamingo

American herring gull

Anglerfish

Anna's hummingbird

Anole

Antelope

Appalachian woodland salamander

Asian elephant

Asiatic mouflon

Atlantic spotted dolphin

Australian parasitic wasp

Australian sea lion

Australian shelduck

Aztec parakeet

Bank swallow

Barasingha - also known as swamp deer, barasingha means twelve-horned in Hindi.

Barbary sheep AKA aoudad

Barbastelle bat

Barn owl

Bean weevil

Bearded dragon

Bearded vulture

Bechstein's bat

Bedbug - apparently bedbugs are sexually attracted to those who have just been fed.

Beluga

Bengalese finch (domestic)

Bharal or blue sheep

Bicoloured antbird

Bighorn sheep

Black bear

Black-billed magpie

Blackbuck

Black-Capped Chickadee - my friend Benjamin Partridge told me the other day that Americans came up with the name ‘chickadee’ for these birds so they didn’t have to use their other name, tit. I have not found verification, but why would Benjamin Partridge lie about his fellow birds?

Black-crowned night heron

Black-footed rock wallaby

Black-headed gull

Black-rumped flameback, AKA the lesser golden-backed woodpecker

Black-spotted frog

Black stilt

Blackstripe topminnow

Black swan

Black-tailed deer

Black-winged stilt

Blister beetle

Blood-fluke

Blowfly

Blue-crowned parakeet, AKA sharp-tailed conure

Blue-backed manakin

Blue-bellied roller

Bluegill sunfish

Blue-tailed day gecko

Blue tit

Blue-tongued skink

Blue-winged teal

Bonin flying fox AKA the Ogasawara giant bat

Bonnet macaque

Bonobo

Bottlenose dolphin

Bowhead whale

Box crab

Brazilian guinea pig

Bridled dolphin

Broad-headed skink

Broadwinged damselfly

Brown bear

Brown capuchin

Brown-headed cowbird

Brown long-eared bat

Brown rat

Budgerigar (domestic)

Buff-breasted sandpiper

Buffalo

Cabbage white, the small white butterfly

Calfbird

California gull

Canada goose

Canary-winged parakeet

Caribou

Caspian tern

Cassowary

Cat (domestic)

Cattle (domestic)

Cattle egret

Chacma baboon

Char

Checkered whiptail lizard

Checkerspot butterfly

Cheetah

Chicken

Chihuahuan spotted whiptail lizard

Chilean flamingo

Chiloé wigeon

Chimpanzee

Chinstrap penguin

Chital

Cliff swallow

Club-tailed dragonfly

Cockatiel

Cockroach

Codling moth

Collared peccary

Commerson's dolphin

Common ameiva

Common bent-wing bat

Common brushtail possum

Common chaffinch

Common dolphin

Common garter snake

Common gull

Common marmoset

Common murre or common guillemot

Common noctule

Common pipistrelle

Common redshank

Common shelduck

Common skimmer dragonfly

Common tree shrew

Common wallaroo

Comoro flying fox AKA Livingstone's fruit bat

Cotton-top tamarin

Crab-eating macaque

Crane

Creeping water bug

Crested black macaque

Cuban green anole Cutworm

Dall's sheep

Damselfly

Daubenton's bat

Desert grassland whiptail lizard

Desert tortoise

Digger bee

Dog (domestic)

Domesticated turkey

Donkey

Doria's tree kangaroo

Dragonfly

Dugong

Dusky moorhen

Dwarf cavy

Dwarf mongoose

Eastern bluebird

Eastern cottontail rabbit

Eastern grey kangaroo

Egyptian goose

Elegant parrot

Emu

Eucalyptus longhorned borer

Eurasian oystercatcher

European bison

European bitterling

European jay

European polecat

European shag

Fallow deer

False killer whale

Fat-tailed dunnart

Fence lizard

Field cricket

Fin whale

Five-lined skink

Flour beetle

Fox

François' langur, AKA Tonkin leaf monkey, AKA white side-burned black langur

Fruit fly

Galah

Gazelle

Gelada baboon

Gentoo penguin

Giraffe

Glasswing butterfly

Goat (domestic)

Gold dust day gecko

Golden bishop bird

Golden monkey

Golden plover

Gopher snake AKA pine snake AKA bull snake - cmon, decide whether it’s gopher, bull or pine! Toss a three-sided coin!

Gorilla

Grant's gazelle

Grape borer

Grayling

Great cormorant

Greater bird of paradise

Greater flamingo

Greater horseshoe bat

Greater mouse-eared bat

Greater rhea

Green anole

Green cheek conure

Green lacewing

Green sandpiper

Green swordtail

Greenshank

Grey-capped social weaver

Grey-headed flying fox

Grey heron

Greylag goose

Grey seal

Grey squirrel

Grey whale

Grey wolf

Griffon vulture

Grizzly bear

Guiana leaffish

Guianan cock-of-the-rock

Guillemot

Guinea pig (domestic)

Hamadryas baboon

Hammerhead (also known as hammerkop)

Hamster (domestic)

Hanuman langur

Harbor porpoise

Harbor seal

Harvestman

Hawaiian orb-weaver spider

Hen flea

Herring gull

Himalayan tahr

Hoary-headed grebe

Hoary marmot

Hooded warbler

Horse (domestic)

House fly

House sparrow

Houting whitefish

Human

Humboldt penguin

Hypoponera opacior ant

Ichneumon wasp

Inagua curlytail lizard

Incirrata octopus

Indian flying fox

Indian muntjac

Indian rhinoceros

Ivory gull

Jackdaw

Jamaican giant anole

Japanese macaque

Japanese scarab beetle

Jewel cichlid

Jumping spiders

Kangaroo rat

Kestrel

Killer whale

King penguin

Kittiwake

Koala

Larch bud moth

Laredo striped whiptail lizard

Larga seal

Largehead anole

Large milkweed bug

Large white

Laughing gull

Laysan albatross

Least chipmunk

Least darter

Lechwe

Leek moth

Lesser bushbaby

Lesser flamingo

Lesser horseshoe bat

Lesser noctule or Irish bat

Lesser scaup duck

Lion

Lion-tailed macaque

Lion tamarin

Little blue heron

Little brown bat

Little egret

Long-eared hedgehog

Long-fingered bat

Long-footed tree shrew

Long-legged fly

Long-tailed hermit hummingbird

Lory

Macaque

Mallard

Markhor

Marten

Masked lovebird

Masked palm civet

Mazarine blue

Mealy amazon parrot

Mew gull

Mexican jay

Mexican white butterfly

Midge

Migratory locust

Mite

Mocó or rock cavy

Mohol bushbaby

Monarch butterfly

Moor macaque

Moose

Mountain dusky salamander

Mountain goat

Mountain tree shrew

Mountain zebra

Mourning gecko

Mouse (domestic)

Moustached tamarin

Mouthbrooding fish, various species - and the mouthbrooding means they incubate their young in their mouths

Mule deer

Musk duck

Musk-ox

Mute swan

Narrow-winged damselfly

Natterer's bat

New Zealand sea lion

Nilgiri langur

Noctule

North American porcupine

Northern elephant seal

Northern fur seal

Northern quoll

Ocellated antbird

Ocher-bellied flycatcher

Olympic marmot

Orange bishop bird

Orange-fronted parakeet

Orangutan

Ornate lorikeet

Ostrich

Pacific striped dolphin

Parsnip leaf miner

Patas monkey

Peach-faced lovebird

Peach moth

Peccary aka javelina or skunk pig

Père David's deer or elaphure or milu

Pied flycatcher

Pied kingfisher

Pig (domestic)

Pigeon (domestic)

Pig-tailed macaque

Plains zebra

Plateau striped whiptail lizard

Polar bear

Pomace fly

Powerful owl

Pretty-faced wallaby, also known as the whiptail wallaby

Proboscis monkey

Pronghorn

Przewalski's horse or takhi or Mongolian wild horse

Pudú

Puku

Purple swamphen

Queen butterfly

Quokka

Rabbit

Raccoon

Raccoon dog

Rafinesque's big-eared bat

Raggiana's bird of paradise

Raven

Razorbill

Red ant

Red-backed shrike

Red bishop bird

Red deer

Red diamond rattlesnake

Red-faced lovebird

Red flour beetle

Red fox

Red kangaroo

Red-necked wallaby

Red-shouldered widowbird

Red squirrel

Red-tailed skink

Reeves's muntjac

Regent bowerbird

Reindeer

Reindeer warble fly

Rhesus macaque

Rice moth

Right whale

Ring-billed gull

Ring dove

Rock cavy

Rock dove

Rodrigues fruit bat

Roe deer

Roseate tern

Rose chafer

Rose-ringed parakeet

Rove beetle

Ruff

Ruffed grouse

Rufous rat kangaroo or bettong

Rufous-naped tamarin or Geoffrey’s tamarin

Saddle-back tamarin

Sage grouse

Salmon

San Blas jay

Sand martin

Satin bowerbird

Savanna baboon

Scarab beetle

Scarlet ibis

Scottish crossbill

Screwworm fly

Seagull

Sea otter

Senegal parrot

Serotine bat

Seychelles giant tortoise

Sharp-tailed sparrow

Sheep (domestic)

Siamang

Side-blotched lizard

Sika deer aka northern spotted deer or Japanese deer

Silver gull

Silvery grebe

Slender tree shrew

Snow goose

Snub-nosed monkey

Sooty mangabey

Southeastern blueberry bee

Southern green stink bug

Southern masked chafer

Southern one-year canegrub

Southern platyfish AKA moonfish

Speckled rattlesnake

Spectacled caiman

Sperm whale

Spider monkey

Spinifex hopping mouse

Spinner dolphin

Spiny-headed worm

Spotted hyena

Spotted seal

Spreadwinged damselfly

Spruce budworm moth

Squirrel monkey

Stable fly

Stag beetle

Stitchbird

Striped dolphin

Stuart's marsupial mouse

Stumptail macaque

Superb lyrebird

Swallow-tailed manakin

Swamp deer

Swamp wallaby

Talapoin

Tammar wallaby

Tasmanian devil

Tasmanian native hen

Tasmanian rat kangaroo

Ten-spined stickleback

Tengger desert toad

Thinhorn sheep

Thomson's gazelle

Three-spined stickleback

Tibetan macaque

Tiger

Tonkean macaque

Tree swallow

Tropical tasar silkmoth

Trumpeter swan

Tsetse fly

Tucuxi

Ugandan Kob

Urial

Ursine colobus AKA the white-thighed black-and-white colobus

Vampire bat

Verreaux's sifaka or the white sifaka lemur

Vervet monkey

Victoria's riflebird

Vicuña

Vine moth

Walrus

Wapiti or elk

Warthog

Water boatman

Waterbuck

Water buffalo

Water moccasin

Water strider or water skeeter

Wattled starling

Weeper capuchin

Western banded gecko

Western grey kangaroo

Western gull

Western rattlesnake

West Indian manatee or North American Manatee

Whiptail lizard

Whiptail wallaby

Whiskered bat

White-faced capuchin

White-fronted amazon parrot

White-fronted capuchin

White-handed gibbon

White-lipped peccary

White stork

White-tailed deer

Wild cavy

Wild goat

Wood duck

Wood turtle

Yellow-backed lorikeet

Yellow-bellied marmot

Yellow-footed rock wallaby

Yellow-rumped cacique

Yellow-toothed cavy

Zebra finch (domestic).

That was a list of gay animals.

If you like this tranquillusionist, you can find several more tranquillusionists in the feed and at theallusionist.org/tranquillusionist or hit the Tranquillusionist tab on the website. And while you’re there visiting the show’s forever home, check out the playlist of Pride-related episodes: about the word ‘queer’, and the choice of ‘pride’ for Pride, and the chaotic existence of the word ‘bisexual’, being used for hats and spacecraft docking systems and musical instruments. We’ve talked about the secret gay language Polari, and the language around genderqueer parenting, and new queer vocabulary for languages that didn’t have much of it or what they did have was all stigmatising. There are episodes about terms including ‘asexual’ and ‘aromantic’, and ‘rainbow-washing’, and the real meaning of ‘queerbaiting’. So much good stuff.

The Allusionist is an independent podcast and if you have the inclination and means to keep such a thing afloat in a particularly precarious time for independent media, then hop on over to theallusionist.org/donate to support the show, and get a load of perks including fortnightly livestreams featuring tranquil readings from my dictionaries, and the emotional succour of the Allusioverse community on Discord.

Your randomly selected word from the dictionary today is…

muid, noun: an old French measure for capacity; a hogshead, a dry measure for corn etc. South Africa: a sack of three bushels.

Try using ‘muid’ in an email today. Shut the dictionary very quietly, very quietly, keep things tranquil…

[HZ shuts dictionary quietly]

This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman; Martin Austwick composed the music. Hear his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song about the music of Tom Waits, and Neutrino Watch. For information about gay animals, I must thank Bruce Bagemihl and his work Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity.

Our ad partner is Multitude. If you have a product or thing about which you’d like me to talk, sponsor the show: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads.

Seek out @allusionistshow on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. And you can hear or read every episode, listen to more Tranquillusionists, donate to the show and become a member of the Allusioverse, see the full dictionary entries for the randomly selected words, all at the show’s forever home theallusionist.org.