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This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, say a series of words to relax your mind, replace a hectic interior monologue, maybe lull you to sleep, hopefully quell the mental uproar just for a little while. Today: nicknames for woodlice, and a list of cheeses from Great Britain and Ireland.
If you need to skip the woodlouse content, go to the 5 minutes 45 seconds mark, whereupon the cheese begins.
Note: this is NOT a normal episode of the Allusionist, where you might learn something about language and your brain might be stimulated. The Tranquillusionist's purpose is to soothe your brain and for you to learn very little - perhaps just a couple of facts about woodlouse urination and a 9th-century saint.
There's a collection of other Tranquillusionists at theallusionist.org/tranquillusionist, on themes including champion dogs, Australia's big things, gay animals, ex-constellations and more.
EXTRA MATERIALS ABOUT WOODLICE:
Credit to academics Warren Maguire and Tam Blaxter who a few years ago ran a survey to collect regional woodlouse names – I can’t tell if they’re still working on it, but it is still open if you have one to submit.
They have collected more than 300 names so far!
“The spread of these borrowed names suggests many independent inventions rather than one word travelling the country, with different communities reaching similar solutions for naming the small, segmented creatures under their rocks and wood. It's a neat illustration that folk naming works by appearance, behaviour and habitat - not by the careful distinctions biologists draw between isopods, insects and myriapods.”
“Female isopods carry their young in a pouch underneath their bodies. This pouch is called a ‘marsupium’. The marsupium starts off full of water. After the young have developed to the point where they are capable of breathing outside water, air is injected into the marsupium and the young continue to develop for a time before leaving the brood pouch. This is one of the nice adaptions the woodlouse has made to living on land.”
Some really rather beautiful photos of different kinds of terrestrial isopods.
“For a century and more, the nomenclature has engaged a succession of good folk concerned about the depletion of our language heritage. In 1917, the St Andrews University ornithologist Dr Walter Collinge, who had compiled more than 100 local names, appealed to readers of Nature for more and he was still in pursuit in 1935 and 1946.
Devon conservationist H. G. Hurrell compiled a three-figure list and a 1965 report on Devon dialects by Gillian Moore listed 34 names. In his Fauna Britannica of 2002, horticulturist Stefan Buczacki noted more than 150 names. Inevitably, lists overlapped, but the quest continues.”
Gotta say, I thought this paper really needed a fact-checker, but there are some intriguing maybe-facts therein, such as:
“in some old books of Materia Medica, we are informed that if the pill-louse is dried and pulverized and put into Rhenish wine; this is an antidote to all obstructions of the bowels, a cure for jaundice, ague, weakening of sight and many other ills. Another recipe, from Gloucestershire, involved stirring 300 live woodlice into six quarts of mild ale, along with raisins, rhubarb and the roots of ferns. Drunk in the spring and autumn it was said to be an ‘almost’ infallible cure for rickets.”
Otherlusionists: the episode about names for ladybirds/ladybugs; F’ood is about vegan cheeses etc; and there are some more amusing British place names in Terisk, about the Scunthorpe Effect.
Sign up at theallusionist.org/donate to fund the continuing existence of this independent podcast. In return, you can join me for regular livestreams where I read relaxingly from my ever-expanding collection of vintage dictionaries, plus you get bonus written content including behind the scenes info about every episode, membership of the Allusioverse Discord community, and watchalong parties for films and TV shows: together we're watching the 2026 season of Great British Sewing Bee. For $5/month or above, get the ad-free version of the show.
YOUR RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
fugacious, adjective, poetic/literary: tending to disappear; fleeting.
Derivatives: fugaciously, adverb; fugaciousness, noun; fugacity, noun.
Origin 17th century: from Latin fugax, fugac- (from fugere "flee") + ious.
CREDITS:
This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations.
The original Allusionist music is by Martin Austwick. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.
Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… Essentially: if I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow.
Back in two weeks with a new episode - HZ.
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