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The Allusionist

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A PODCAST ABOUT LANGUAGE
BY HELEN ZALTZMAN

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The Allusionist

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Tranquillusionist: Punchlines

April 13, 2020 The Allusionist
Tranquillusionist Punchlines logo.jpeg

This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, in the interests of temporarily trying to stop that feeling where you think your brain is trying to claw its way out of your skull, read the punchlines to classic jokes. No setups; just the punchlines.

This was a particularly silly one. I was just going to read out the punchlines in no particular order, but then little narratives started to form. If we want to get fancy about it, the works I was thinking of while concocting this were:

  • Slacker by Richard Linklater, for the way that the film glances in on a character’s story, then floats off to the next one, deliberately inconclusive.

  • The Clock by Christian Marclay: a 24-hour-long montage of clips from TV and film featuring timepieces. It almost feels like it has a plot; watching it, I felt continually on the brink of a narrative development, although of course there is no narrative.

  • ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock’ by TS Eliot; a few of the lines kept ringing around my head, I think because of the way the poem is at turns lofty then Earthbound, pretentious then funny.

  • This episode of the Allusionist about Oulipo.

Nonetheless, this is simply five and a half minutes of punchlines and music.

APPLE PODCASTS 😒 RSS 🙄  MP3 😑 TRANSCRIPT

The Tranquillusionists have recently been recommended in Vox, the Financial Times and the Observer! Find them all at theallusionist.org/tranquillusionist.

The beautiful music in this episode was specially composed by Martin Austwick. Martin has made several albums, which you can hear at palebirdmusic.com and if you search for Pale Bird on Spotify.

The Allusionist proper will be back from break in May. If you’re looking for podcasts to take your mind off things, I have two more: Veronica Mars Investigations and Answer Me This, both unrelated to any current events, if you want a temporary escape.

Since my previous dispatch, I have been distracting myself by making banana curry (trust me, it’s nice!) and livetweeting the 1995 BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, which you can catch up with over at twitter.com/VMIpod, and sprouting some peas I planted in some gnocchi packaging that I had to fish out of the bin. I’m far more invested in the growth rate of the peas than I ought to be, but I’ll take companionship where I find it.

Let me know how you’re doing; I’m @allusionistshow on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

- HZ

In Tranquillusionist, episodes Tags Helen Zaltzman, words, language, serene, serenity, ASMR, calm, calmness, meditation, sleep, mood, emergency, Tranquillusionist, jokes, punchlines, cheesy jokes, bad jokes, knock knock, doctor doctor, puns, wordplay, Oulipo, gags
← Allusionist 115. Keep Calm andTranquillusionist: Best In Show →
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Tranquillusionist: cheesy cheesybobs
Tranquillusionist: cheesy cheesybobs

This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, say a series of words to relax your mind, replace a hectic interior monologue, maybe lull you to sleep, hopefully quell the mental uproar just for a little while.

Today: nicknames for woodlice AKA rolypoly bugs AKA slaters AKA all these other things; and a list of cheeses from Great Britain and Ireland.

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sorry lads, we're getting bad ads

TL;DR version:

  • For the show's financial survival (hopefully), over the next few weeks I'm having to switch on programmatic advertisements. This means, for the first time in the show's nearly 12-year existence, you may be subjected to ads that are not voiced, scripted and individually approved by me.

  • If you would prefer to listen to the show without ads in it, patreonise the show at the Gravy, Wedge or Check tiers, which include the perk of an ad-free RSS feed.

Click through to read the rest of the post about why I’m doing this thing I don’t want to do.

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Allusionist 231. Lingthusionist
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Allusionist 230. Draculae part 4: Transformation
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Throughout the Draculae miniseries, about the Swedish and Icelandic translations of Dracula that played fast and loose with the original text, I've been wondering a couple of questions: why are cover versions of songs and remakes of films so normal and acceptable, whereas cover versions in book form cause such a stir? And do these Scandinavian Draculae count as fan fiction? And if not, why not? Fansplaining.com's Elizabeth Minkel explains what fan fiction can mean.

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Allusionist 229. Draculae part 3: Hunting Down the Count
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Many mysteries accompany the revelations that Powers of Darkness, the Icelandic and Swedish versions of Dracula, are not direct translations of Bram Stoker's original, but stories that significantly differ in character names, plot and runtime. Like: did Bram Stoker write it himself, to publish some raunchy content that British censors would forbid? Was Powers of Darkness based on his early drafts? And did he really not copyright Dracula in the USA was that a deliberate ruse? Welllll... brace yourself for ole thrill-destroyer Zaltzman to pop your balloons of excitement.

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Allusionist 228. Draculae part 2: Surprises in the Vaults
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Happy World Dracula Day to all who celebrate!

This is the second episode of the Draculae miniseries, about a literary mystery which came to me via a meme: “Someone translated Dracula into Icelandic, and it took over 100 years for anyone to point out he just made a fanfic rewrite of what he wanted the story to be.”

In Draculae part 2, Ásgeir Jónsson explains how he got that Icelandic adaptation of Dracula back into print, to little fanfare - but then Dutch scholar Hans Corneel de Roos set about making an English translation. Following that: like me, Will Trimble also got meme-struck, and that propelled him to get a translation of the Swedish version that begat the Icelandic one.

Before listening to this, check out the first episode of the Draculae miniseries explaining the three versions of Dracula: Dracula published by Bram Stoker in 1897; the Icelandic version Makt Myrkranna by newspaper editor Valdimar Ásmundsson, serialised in his newspaper Fyallkonan in 1900-1901; and the Swedish version Mörkrets makter by an author known only as A—e, and serialised in a couple of Swedish newspapers 1899-1900.

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Allusionist 227. Draculae part 1: Enter the Castle
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A literary mystery came to me via a meme.

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Allusionist 226. Suburbia
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"The word ‘suburbia’ sort of evokes a very fixed idea of a place that is identikit, that all suburbs are the same, that within the suburb everything is the same, that all people are the same, all experiences are the same," says social historian and author John Grindrod. "I think it has this kind of flattening-out facility, that word, that isn't true."

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Allusionist 225. Hues
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You know what's an absolutely pesky kind of word to define in a dictionary? Colour names. A passel of lexicographers spent years - decades, even - trying different ways to describe colours in words for Webster's Third International Dictionary. It was such a huge, complicated effort that it took twelve years for former Merriam-Webster lexicographer Kory Stamper to write a book about it.

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Allusionist 224. Cosmic Hairball
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Pack your oxygen tank, we're going up to space. There’s a lot of etymology up there.

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Allusionist 222. A Christmas Carol
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Today, we read the novelisation of The Muppet Christmas Carol, also known as the 1843 festive lit hit A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

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Allusionist 221. Scribe
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Allusionist 220. Disobedience
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The Allusionist by Helen Zaltzman is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.