This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, in the interests of temporarily trying to stop that feeling where you think your brain is trying to claw its way out of your skull, read the punchlines to classic jokes.
Read moreAllusionist 106. Typo Demon
Ever misspelled a word or committed a typo? It wasn’t your fault; you were demonically possessed. Ian Chillag from Everything is Alive podcast introduces us to Titivillus, the typo demon.
Read moreAllusionist 98. Alter Ego
Today: three pieces about alter egos, when your name - the words by which the world knows you - is replaced by another for particular purposes.
How did John Doe come to be the name for a man, alive or dead, identity unknown or concealed in a legal matter? Strap in for a whirlwind ride into some frankly batshit centuries-old English law.
At their first bout of the 2019 season, the London Roller Girls talk about how they chose their roller derby names - or why they chose to get rid of one.
The 1930s and 40s were a golden age for detective fiction, which was also very popular and lucrative. Yet writing it was disreputable enough for authors to hide behind pseudonyms.
Allusionist 97. The Future Is Now?
“There are two ways to say ‘The future is now’: you can say it optimistically, like, ‘The future is now! Isn't that cool?’ Or you could be like, ‘The future is now, and we're totally screwed.’” Rose Eveleth, of the future-envisioning podcast Flash Forward, tracks the past and present of one of her favourite phrases.
Read moreAllusionist 94. Harsh Realm
On 15 November 1992, the New York Times printed a ‘ Lexicon of Grunge’, a list of slang terms from the Seattle music scene. ‘Harsh realm’ = bummer. ‘Wack slacks’ = old ripped jeans. ‘Swingin’ on the flippity-flop’ = hanging out.
Not familiar with any of these? It’s OK, it’s not because you’re a cob nobbler (= loser). They were all made up. By Megan Jasper. Now the CEO of Sub Pop records, she explains why she pranked an unsuspecting journalist.
Read moreAllusionist 83. Yes, As In
"Really? As in the animal/foodstuff/music genre?"
"Is that a stripper name?"
"What were your parents thinking?"
Allusionist 74. Take A Swear Pill
CONTENT WARNING: there is swearing in this episode. But the happy news is: swearing is good for you!
Read moreAllusionist 8: Crosswords
Cryptic crosswords: delightful brain exercise, or the infernal taunting of the incomprehensible?
Either way, crossword setter John Feetenby explains how they're made and how to solve them. He reveals how he composes clues (even one for 'Zaltzman'), why crosswords reign supreme over sudoku, and why 'jacuzzi' is rarely the answer.
ADDITIONAL READING:
If, like me, you suck at cryptic crosswords, to start off here's Cryptic Crosswords for Dummies.
I'll never be able to do The Guardian's crossword, but if that's the crossword mountain you want to climb, here's the Guardian's Cryptic Crosswords for Beginners series. I can do the Telegraph crossword a bit, so here's the Telegraph's guide too.
This is a very handy compendium of what words mean in crosswordese.
Here's a summary of the differences between UK and US crosswords.
I'm aware that crosswords from other countries work differently to British ones, so do illuminate me about your own local crossword practices.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
waterbrash
Say hi at facebook.com/allusionistshow and twitter.com/allusionistshow, and come back in a fortnight for the next episode.
- HZ
CREDITS
John Feetenby's crosswords appear every Sunday in one of Britain's major newspapers. He is @feexby on Twitter and his website is feexby.com, via which you can find his own podcasts.
This episode was presented and produced by me, Helen Zaltzman.
MUSIC:
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'I don't Get It' - Cowboy Junkies
'Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood' - The Animals
Allusionist 1: Ban The Pun
When it emerged I was going to make the Allusionist, I got a lot of people asking me, "Are there going to be puns in it?"
“No,” I cried! “No! I hate puns!”
This episode is about puns.
I thought if I got them out of the way, we might never need speak of them again.
Late last year, China announced puns are to be banned across all media. Frankly, I wish I could ban them in my own family. I spoke to my brother Andy and my dad Zack about their punning which has blighted my life since 1980.
Perhaps all Zaltzmans should be tested for Witzelsucht Disease.
If you're a glutton for punishment, some brave soul has edited together nearly TWO HOURS of Andy's puns from his podcast The Bugle, which you can listen to here. Warning: high dose may prove fatal.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
gralloch
CREDITS
Presented and produced by Helen Zaltzman.
Andy Zaltzman can be found touring, on The Bugle podcast and tweeting as @zaltzcricket and @hellobuglers.
Zack Zaltzman can be found in his studio trying out puns on his sculptures.
Thanks to Chris Skinner.
MUSIC
'Allusionist Theme' - Martin Austwick
'China In Your Hand' [Instrumental] - T'Pau
'Here' - Tindersticks
