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Today, we read the novelisation of The Muppet Christmas Carol, also known as the 1843 festive lit hit A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Read by me, Helen Zaltzman; music, sound effects and additional vocals are by Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com.
Content warning: 200-year-old attitudes towards disability. Also warning for GHOSTS.
This was originally recorded in front of a live YouTube audience in December 2024, I read it on livestream over four days with scoring and additional vocals by house band Martin Austwick. It means you will hear some page turns, sniffles, blunders. The video version is still available on youtube.com/allusionistshow so you can see Martin dancing away to his own music, also the swirly atmospheric backdrops. But here it is in handy audiobook form, I guess. We are available for voice jobs and scoring. Can you believe I don’t have a voice agent? I know, I know!
Listen to the episode called How The Dickens Stole Christmas to hear about just why this book has such a big influence on festivities even nearly two centuries later. And it features podcasting luminaries Greg Jenner, Katie Mingle and Avery Trufelman, so is a great time altogether.
There are also several other festive episodes of the show, including ones about why Santa St Nick Father Christmas Kringle Klaas has so many names, Christmas song lyrics where the letters sent to Santa go, and a portmanteau word that kicked off a lot of War On Christmas. They're all gathered at theallusionist.org/festivelusionist.
May I also recommend Home Cooking, by alumsionists Hrishikesh Hirway and Samin Nosrat - a marvellous podcast altogether, and I make a cameo on the latest episode. Also, now is the optimal month for listening to our podpal Arnie ‘Magic Tavern’ Niekamp’s new show No Skip Christmas, where I join him to explain the British pop festive canon.
And if you want to hear me read more books, a few years ago I narrated the Chuck Tingle classic Monday Pounds Me In The Butt.
Over in the Allusioverse, this month we’ll be having watchalongs of The Muppet Christmas Carol and Knives Out! And there’s a whole lot more going on: currently our gift guide, featuring your own creative works, is going strong; and year round you get written bonus content, livestreams with me reading from my dictionaries with musical backing by Martin, and the company of the Allusioverse Discord community. Join at theallusionist.org/donate - your membership helps fund the ongoing existence of this podcast. You can also sign up for free to get the occasional email about Allusional stuff.
YOUR RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
uropygium, noun, zoology: the rump of a bird.
Derivatives: uropygial, adjective.
Origin 18th century: via medieval Latin, from Greek ouropugion.
CREDITS:
This episode was read and produced by me, Helen Zaltzman. Get in touch if you want to hire me to read things or do other work with my voice.
The live score, sound effects and additional vocals are by Martin Austwick. Download his songs at palebirdmusic.com and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.
Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… Essentially: if I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow.
Back in two weeks with the final episode of 2025: the annual parade of Bonus Bits! - HZ.
Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:
• Greenwood Lake Roasters, purveyors of small batch craft coffee, roasted just outside of NYC. Go to GreenwoodLakeRoasters.com to place your order - do it between now and December 31st and use the checkout code ALLUSIONIST to get 10% off small batch coffee and subscription orders.
• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.
• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime membership - that's unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life - at rosettastone.com/allusionist.
