"How are you?"
"Oh, fine - and you?"
"Yeah, not bad. Nice day today, isn't it?"
"Yes, it was a bit chilly this morning, but now the sun's come out..." [Continue until the lift arrives, or until the end of time.]
Small talk is usually not conveying much vital information, nor is it especially interesting. But beneath that comfort blanket of tedium lies a valuable social function. I became the bore at a party and made a load of people talk to me about it.
EXTRA STUFF TO CHAT ABOUT:
Let's chat in real life! Come along to the first Allusionist live show, 4.30pm on 24 September at the London Podcast Festival at Kings Place. Tickets are here.
On This American Life, Mystery Show's Starlee Kine campaigns to end small talk altogether.
Documentary maker Marc Isaacs spent a long time in a lift in a London tower block, having conversations with the residents for the duration of their journeys. The result is beautiful and melancholy.
Apropos of 'criminal conversation': a brief history of women's divorce rights, and one famous criminal conversation case.
There's a transcript of this episode at theallusionist.org/transcripts/smalltalk. Excuse the background noise in parts of the show; I was recording people in places where sociable talk tends to happen - pubs, parties, restaurants - which also tend to be loud.
RANDOMLY SELECTED WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY:
pronk
CREDITS:
This episode features, in order of appearance (and if you're in the market for good podcasts, try theirs):
Isy Suttie, of new podcast Isy Suttie's The Things We Do For Love
Eleanor McDowall, progenitor of Radio Atlas and the producer of BBC Radio 4's Short Cuts
Converser extraordinaire Dave Pickering, of, amongst other podcasts, Getting Better Acquainted and the forthcoming Family Tree
Allusionist team-member Devon Taylor, and Michael the barman (I don't know which New York City fleshpot they were chatting in)
Matthew Crosby, of the comedy sketch team Pappy's and, accordingly, their podcasts Bangers and Mash and Flatshare Slamdown
Matt Hill, producer of many shows including Spark London and The Media Podcast (and the election episodes of this show
Amy Smith, plus Martin Austwick and Sam Pay of Song By Song podcast
Avery Trufelman, producer of 99% Invisible
Mae Mars, wife of 99% Invisible
Thanks also to: Louise Adams; Jen Adamthwaite; Penny Bell; Colin and Debs Eyers of the Turtle Bean cafe in Liss, Hampshire; Hannah Madsen; Roman Mars; and Tom Wilkinson.
This episode was produced by Devon Taylor, Cheeka Eyers and me, Helen Zaltzman. The music is by Martin Austwick.
Fancy a chat? You'll find me at facebook.com/allusionistshow, twitter.com/allusionistshow, and twitter.com/helenzaltzman. And at the aforementioned live show.
